Ma Voix!

"I love to talk". I'll bring forward a million people who'll vouch for that. "I just cannot talk". And a few hundred people will vouch for that!

Way back during my forgetful school years, I used to either crack a joke or be the joke cause of my needless speech. Suddenly it dawned upon me that I should shut the hell up rather than talking the talk that I used to talk. So I went in some sort of a shell during my early college years.

I had a blissful time in junior college really. The number of days I attended the class were directly proportional to the number of hot chicks I met. But here again was the confusion - whether or not to talk my talk. After two years of intense thinking I decided, "Ah what the hell, let's talk!" But by the time I woke up to speak, the hot chicks had disappeared! It was a tragic loss for the chicks! Sigh!

Then came the senior college years, these were some of the best days of my social life as I learnt to bloody talk. The hot chicks, alright whom am I kidding, "the chicks" were finally celebrating that I was talking! It was a big relief for them.

Years rolled on and the bizarre talk was just to get more bizarre. But there still remained instances where in my voice has totally failed me. Now in order that I save millions from embarrassment, I decide to not disclose all of these incidents. Before enlisting the same and embarrassing a million people other than me, I put forth some of my strong beliefs.

1) I am of the strictest of opinions that the process of oral examination should be banned. It is such a devastating, heinous and treacherous act where the teachers, who instead of boosting the confidence in the student, themselves try to shake it all off by this one act. Such practices adopted by millions of schools and institutions should be instantly taken care of!

2) I believe the courtrooms should be IM enabled, so in case a lawyer loses the confidence to speak or argue, he should be handed over a laptop where he can nicely log on to some IM, type out his argument and fight out the same. So convenient for everyone this! Imagine the judge, the prosecutor as well as the defendant quietly fighting over the case over their IMs. They may even ask other lawyers to join in the discussion so as to get in more points for the appellant as well as the defendant. Also the judge may refer to other judges for their opinion on the proceedings. It would not only help impart justice but also beat corruption. The more the number of judges the case is referred to, the more the people will be involved in imparting of justice. Therefore if the client plans to "buy" the justice, he will not only have a large number of mouths to feed, but also an uncertain number of mouths. Therefore things would become as good as impossible for him and justice might just prevail. So people like Mulayam Singh Yadav would well reside where they best belong!

Now if IMs are implemented in the court rooms, even the moot court examinations conducted by law colleges can be held on the IMs and the students can be saved of the pressure and stress! I speak for thee, my "legal" comrades, do I get an "amen"?

3) Also the evil practice of group-discussions, debates and interviews should be done away with. If it is still to exist, then it should be made mandatory that every person in a GD or a debate be given a laptop and an IM in case he gets stuck while raising a vital point or placing an important argument. It is only then that his intelligence can be rightfully tested.

Now that I'm done stating my beliefs, I go on to type out some personal experiences:
1) The stage fear has cost me some vital marks in my Business Communication exam. This forced me to take up subjects I didn't quite like in my second year B.Com which then resulted a horrific performance in the finals of that year, therefore again depriving me of the subjects I wanted for my final and most crucial year of graduation. Result: Expected average marks in TYBCom! Blame it on one failed "stage-performance" 2 years back!

2) While I was planning to get into a good B-School after having cleared the written tests quite easily, there was to be a group discussion round and an interview. Enter the GD room and exit my voice. Finally the examiner shouted out my roll number, "So do you have anything to share with us at all?" Had it been some other day I would've slapped him for his rudeness, but at that point of time the sweat flowed off my forehead like a flooding river and my tongue refused to untie itself. I looked into everyone's staring eyes and I suddenly found my voice, the language coming out of my mouth made me a sound like a perfect student who needs to apply for some "rapid english speaking course". It was embarrassing. As though I hadn't embarrassed myself enough, there was to be an interview. The interview started with "So why do you plan to study MBA?". The utmost calm that I was, I realized that there is no reason solid enough for me to pursue an MBA. Quietly I said, "I don't know" and left the room to the non-astonishment of the interviewers (who were present at the GD too btw, so I guess this was expected by them).

3) There were people pelting stones at some chirpy bats as these bats were keeping them awake at 10 o'clock in the morning. Enraged I screamed at the inhuman human beings. They hurled back some sweet curses and I had no answer to the same. I really wish we were fighting over an IM back then, then I would've had showed those buggers a thing or two for messing with the bats and swearing at me. Lucky bastards!

4) On the rooftop there was a fight for kite. Suddenly my voice deserted me as I fumbled with my reply. Result: Even my own friends couldn't stop laughing at me.

The list goes on. However, there have been times when I just never stopped talking. Like over the phones, although during the conversation I've long realized of how tired the person on the other end has been hearing my voice. This has not only cost me and my dad some "unhealthy" phone bills but also my dear friends and their parents at the other end of the line the same! Sorry guys!

Then there are times when I just can't stop talking, like when I'm utterly nervous, especially during exams. Worst part is this attack of unstoppable talk strikes me while writing a paper. This had earned me the title of "exam-hall radio" during my junior college years. Ms.W always used to come to tell me to kindly shut my "radio station" off during exam hours.

Ah well, I have finally developed an attitude of "I'll keep talking the talk that I like to talk as long as this talk makes me and keeps me happy and this talk isn't affecting the listener physically or emotionally." As the talk I talk has helped me as much as it has failed me and the wannabe optimist that I am, I intend to look at the good things that my endless gab has earned me. So people, bear me or I forgive thee!