Monday, November 19, 2007

Of Bhajans, Trains And Metal

Yes! God might feel happy when His so-called devotees scream prayers in his name in the ultra-crowded train compartments, but I definitely don't. I wouldn't have really mind had they been only screaming these prayers, but the fact that these guys use those screechy instruments and sing in embarrassingly high notes, reaching the levels that even the great classical singers cannot reach, forget the rock and metal band vocalists, really deafens me. I'm pretty much used to travelling in these Mumbai locals, which am sure would have brought any of those concentration camps to shame, (it's been 9 years now and having thrown off from the train a couple of times, you pretty much know what to do and what you definitely should not!), so after you fight with the crowd to find a place to just stand, you hear these screaming devotees accompanied by their ear-banging instruments so that He hears them and answers their god-damned prayers! To each his own I know, but it's universally accepted amongst His believers that He is omnipresent. If so, He is within me and I am not happy and hence He is not happy, so well, you are just angering Him! So in order that I am happy which will make Him happy ultimately (of course I'm so Heavenly inclined, my fans know) I quote to start a metal band which will sing songs only and only while they travel by train. I need a drummer who has the skills to use the train-ceiling and metal rods for percussion, a vocalist who can scream louder and hit higher notes than these devotee-singers, a lead guitarist and a bassist of course; I'll be playing the rhythm guitars and my swearing skills can come in handy when I provide back-up vocals (I am very innovative when it comes to swearing, my fans know this too). I intend to start a new genre of music calling it the "Train Metal" and the band's name, of course "Trainaalika" (Train-aali-ka - "Has the train come" literally). The title of the first song will be, you guessed it,  "Holier than Thou". I just need to work on the lyrics a bit. Auditions start tonight, interested please apply! Thank you!
P.S.: Whether or not the band kicks-off tomorrow, auditions for groupies are always on. What is a rock band without groupies? They play an indispensable role in the band's performance - on-stage as well as backstage. So do you think you have it in you to be one? If so do not hesitate. Get in NOW!

8 comments:

Sim said...

oh am i the first to audition?
ahem ahem...hmmm....sir? well i can't sing, neither do i play any instrument...but i could be the genral handy girl, you know, i could help in creating space on the train, carrry the equipments and be the chorus (the chorus has to do nothing but scream right?)...
sir, would you like a copy of my resume? and i could bring in some north indian abuses flavour to the songs too, i knw some too (blush blush)....
errr......so can i go now?
thank you and kind regards sir....

another brick in the wall said...

@ sim: u definitely seem like a handy gal.. u'll bring indian flavour to the band's lyrics with north indian abuses. also u can play the dual role of a band-"mate" and a groupie, your contribution will be invaluable. jump in!

Divya said...

U anger me, U anger God! My my.. we certainly are getting more and more divine as out interest for the antichrist increases huh?

Oh damn.. i knew i should have learnt more swear words when i had the chance... now i might not make it into the band!! perhaps i can make it as the drummer, banging on the Divine lead singer's hollow head itself! New sound.. its all the rage... But if nothing.. can i be a groupie suk? Can i? Can i? "Pretty" please... :P

Virus© said...

Yes boss.. I'm game.. When's the audition for the lead guitarist? And yeah I can even help you with the vocals.. I've good swearing skills too.. Just that my potiential fan don't knwo about it yet.. :D

Let's rock.. \m/ \m/

another brick in the wall said...

@ divya:
1. we are His children, so His genes are in us of cors, considering the biological connections now, He is within us, hence He is a part of us, which means Me, get it?

You are underage to be a groupie.. nah nah! don't get distracted.. you concentrate on school :P

@ virus:
oh the auditions are on my friend.. i've already started working on the songs.. very original, just a bit influenced by some all time great rock/metal songs may be, but who would know anyway, am inspired just like anu malik, the great RD Burman :P
here are some names:
holier than thou
hallowed be thy name
travelling in the name of
the suffering
where the stations have no name
trainmaker
brand new train
bloody brothers
crazy train
the train that brick built
the motorman

and the album name: trainspotting :P

i'll post the lyrics of the same soon.. enjoy :)

zzzzzz.... said...

i would join u as i am sure u would only be too happy to let me in. but thing is i will one day take over the railways and introduce the "horror express" which will be a state of the art robot operated train which will prepare for self-destruct in 10 secs. at the slightest attempt at littering.yes well obviously that wont last too long but its a cherished dream nonetheless.

Red said...

may as well jump onto the bandwagon.. sure, sign me up for train metal.. :)

another brick in the wall said...

@ zzzzzz...: yeah.. i know of the train.. have been told of it.. hehe.. destructive sisters :)

@ red: u r in.. in fact u were already in even before u knew it :P