The Morning After...

The very first thing that wakes you up is the thumping headache. While you are trying to deal with the same, you tend to look around so as to figure out how you landed where you presently are! As the brain fights to function and make sense of things around you, the head again begs for relief. You want to sleep more but the world just keeps on spinning. The stomach is crying for food but the esophagus threatens to give away whatever undigested solid, liquid or even air it has stored in it since the stomach refused to keep it with itself; this makes you re-consider the plans to look for food. You bitch about the fuckin' headache to yourself! Again you take a look around, this time to register all the people lying around you or awake around you in the same physical state with the same problem (you HOPE). You exchange a quick "good morning" to the helpers and the helped, as well as the useless others and then bitch about the fuckin' headache! Then you look at the torn pants that you are wearing and recall the 2-second fight that had happened the night before, then your thigh hurts. It reminds you of the "graceless fall" which had left your thigh in a horrible pain even in that numb situation. You fail to recollect the hands that had then helped you to your feet. Once again you bitch about the fuckin' headache which makes the pain in the thigh as good as non-existent. A quick look at the once-upon-a-time black t-shirt and you wish they'd used a good quality paint to paint the stairway and the terrace! After you've had bitched about the fuckin' headache, you stumble to your feet as you decide to march down the terrace, before you crash to the ground a pair of helping hands break your fall. Then you and your friend-in-need proceed to the house. On the way you tend to bitch about the fuckin' headache a couple of times more! You change the pants, thank God that he gave you the mind to change into your friend's dad's shorts in time, thus, keeping your pants safe; but the moment you start feeling proud of yourself and think of dancing a quick victory dance, a new friend enters the room bitching about the same ol' fuckin' headache. Finally you collect your cell, find some 5 missed calls and zillion SMSes, you first dial the concerned mother telling her you have just woken up and are now leaving for home, then you go on to check the weird "replies" to the alleged SMSes you'd sent during the night. Most of the SMSes express concern and hugs and while you try to figure out the mystery behind these, there are a few others telling you to kindly take a hike for waking the senders in the middle of the night with some nonsensical apology. You now type in a sensible apology to all. After dealing with the mysterious allegations you wake "the sober one" and ask him for details. But "the sober one" acts selfish and looks a bit pissed for waking him up, you simply swear at him and leave for your house. But you do turn around once and bitch about the fuckin' headache. Then you start your bike, go to a tea-stall, have a cup of nice hot tea to get rid of the fuckin' headache (the failure of the attempt being guaranteed from your previous experience, but that won't stop you from trying it one more time) and now head for home. On reaching, you first head to the loo and spend some peaceful 20 minutes there; on coming out you go on to brush your teeth to take care of smelly give-aways. Then your mom offers you tea. As you gulp it down, she asks for breakfast, the esophagus again shoots warnings, you kindly refuse.

In order to avoid the raising of any sort of suspicions, you act as you normally would on a normal sober day, so you switch on the computer and close your room. You keep bitching about the fuckin' headache for half an hour till you can't take it anymore and tell your mom that you've been up all night and now you need to sleep, your mother gives you the "I know what you were upto" look but the good mother that she is, doesn't say a word and tells you to get some rest. You crash on the bed and the world around you starts spinning again. The stomach doesn't stop churning either. Its keeps crying to throw up all that it has in store but you just don't want to do it. You fail to fall asleep thanks to the fuckin' headache. But after a few horrible moments you do get lost in a deep deep slumber and only a 7th call for lunch wakes you up. You realize your stomach doesn't even have air left in it and so you hog on the lunch as if there is no tomorrow. You again head off to sleep. A nice nap later you realize the head is aching less but the stomach is still churning. Though the physical state has quite improved now, the mental shock as to what your dearest of pals made you drink the other night still disturbs you. But your concern for them makes you call them to know their physical et mental state and you are happy to find them suffering similar problems. Then at the end of the day, everyone takes the oath to never ever touch the cursed happy potion again. An unanimous "amen" later the Almighty forgives us and cures us of the fuckin' headache!

Blame It On Singo!

The characters in this post are taken from Ninkita's post "One fine day".

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It all started last night. I had told Singo to call me without fail as she wanted information on something. I stayed up till 2 am expecting her to call up but I guess she was busy with her work and then had conveniently forgot all about the call. My tired eyes finally couldn't take it anymore and fell asleep. Now at 3.30 am, I guess I was still thinking about Singo as I dreamt of her.

The dream went as such:

Scene 1:

SIngo was in Mumbai and was staying over at my place! Woohoo! Singo and me were nicely discussing something over her laptop in my room when suddenly Kitkat called up, "Guys, guess what, am in Mumbai too! Mom sent me to pick up Singo." Yay! A short celebration later Kitkat had joined Singo and me in my room.

Scene 2:


It was 11pm and I was sitting with my mommy waiting for Kitkat and Singo who'd gone to visit some friend in Mumbai. Suddenly Kitkat calls up, "Hey, we are stuck here, we can come to your place only by 1 am and then we'll stay up all night okay? No sleeping. Chaw!"

Scene 3:

It's 1am and there are guests all over my place. I become irritated that Singo and Kitkat are yet to show up. Frustrated I call up Kitkat, "Oye bad news!" she starts. "But something just came up and we have to leave for Delhi by 6 am. So we cannot meet you now. We'll meet you the next time we come to Mumbai." Now I get pissed off, "What the hell! You said you'll come over to meet me Kitkat. We hardly met for 2 minutes and now you have to leave? You are coming over to my place!" Kitkat started apologizing and I don't recall the exact words I spoke later on over the phone, just recall me shouting, "Alright! Fuck off! I don't wanna see you." Then Kitkat said, "No yaar, chal we'll come to meet you for 5 minutes". And I recall shouting again, "No! You don't come to my place now! Fuck off! I don't want to meet you at all" And I recall Kitkat saying, "Fine! We won't come! Bye!" And then I recall slamming down the phone.

Scene 4:

Its 2 am and my brother has to leave for Pune. I'm at my granny's place and bidding my brother goodbye. Enter a taxi and out step Singo and Kitkat saying how sorry they are! I gave them an angry look and woke up saying, "Jao Delhi! Jao Delhi!"

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I saw the clock, it was 4 am. I recalled I had to wake up Sammy at 6.30 am. I set the alarm for 6 and tried to sleep. But I was still troubled over the fact that Singo hadn't even left a message saying why she hadn't called. Then suddenly I recalled the dream and the hasty exit of Singo and Kitkat from Mumbai and I was pissed off even more. There was no need for the alarm as I was all awake and angry. At 6.30 I typed in "S" and searched for Sammy's number in the phonebook of my cell. Nicely I dialed the very first name that appeared in the list and ended up waking my sister-in-law with a gentle "Abey! It's 6.30. Uth be!" She was shocked to get my call so early and immediately asked me what the hell is wrong with me. Only when I heard Marathi speaking lady on the other end that I realised that I'd woken up the wrong "S". I quickly disconnected the call and called up Sammy! Phew! The explanation of how I messed up the names took some 30 minutes as my sis-in-law wasn't able to recover from the shock as to what language I use with my friends!

Then I called up Kitkat and narrated her the events and I went on to buy eggs. Maggi and eggs were for breakfast and I was bleeding hungry! Hastily I fell one of the eggs and I had to clean up the mess, my breakfast got delayed and my hunger was now unbearable! Quickly I made Maggi and then started boiling the eggs. An impatient hungry wait later, I cracked the eggs only to realise that they were half boiled and now me and my dad had to suffer the worse cooked-Maggi ever!

An eventful morning it has been so far and Kitkat has blessed me with more adventures in the day. Let's see how it goes. Oh by the way, Good Morning world! :)

Ma Voix!

"I love to talk". I'll bring forward a million people who'll vouch for that. "I just cannot talk". And a few hundred people will vouch for that!

Way back during my forgetful school years, I used to either crack a joke or be the joke cause of my needless speech. Suddenly it dawned upon me that I should shut the hell up rather than talking the talk that I used to talk. So I went in some sort of a shell during my early college years.

I had a blissful time in junior college really. The number of days I attended the class were directly proportional to the number of hot chicks I met. But here again was the confusion - whether or not to talk my talk. After two years of intense thinking I decided, "Ah what the hell, let's talk!" But by the time I woke up to speak, the hot chicks had disappeared! It was a tragic loss for the chicks! Sigh!

Then came the senior college years, these were some of the best days of my social life as I learnt to bloody talk. The hot chicks, alright whom am I kidding, "the chicks" were finally celebrating that I was talking! It was a big relief for them.

Years rolled on and the bizarre talk was just to get more bizarre. But there still remained instances where in my voice has totally failed me. Now in order that I save millions from embarrassment, I decide to not disclose all of these incidents. Before enlisting the same and embarrassing a million people other than me, I put forth some of my strong beliefs.

1) I am of the strictest of opinions that the process of oral examination should be banned. It is such a devastating, heinous and treacherous act where the teachers, who instead of boosting the confidence in the student, themselves try to shake it all off by this one act. Such practices adopted by millions of schools and institutions should be instantly taken care of!

2) I believe the courtrooms should be IM enabled, so in case a lawyer loses the confidence to speak or argue, he should be handed over a laptop where he can nicely log on to some IM, type out his argument and fight out the same. So convenient for everyone this! Imagine the judge, the prosecutor as well as the defendant quietly fighting over the case over their IMs. They may even ask other lawyers to join in the discussion so as to get in more points for the appellant as well as the defendant. Also the judge may refer to other judges for their opinion on the proceedings. It would not only help impart justice but also beat corruption. The more the number of judges the case is referred to, the more the people will be involved in imparting of justice. Therefore if the client plans to "buy" the justice, he will not only have a large number of mouths to feed, but also an uncertain number of mouths. Therefore things would become as good as impossible for him and justice might just prevail. So people like Mulayam Singh Yadav would well reside where they best belong!

Now if IMs are implemented in the court rooms, even the moot court examinations conducted by law colleges can be held on the IMs and the students can be saved of the pressure and stress! I speak for thee, my "legal" comrades, do I get an "amen"?

3) Also the evil practice of group-discussions, debates and interviews should be done away with. If it is still to exist, then it should be made mandatory that every person in a GD or a debate be given a laptop and an IM in case he gets stuck while raising a vital point or placing an important argument. It is only then that his intelligence can be rightfully tested.

Now that I'm done stating my beliefs, I go on to type out some personal experiences:
1) The stage fear has cost me some vital marks in my Business Communication exam. This forced me to take up subjects I didn't quite like in my second year B.Com which then resulted a horrific performance in the finals of that year, therefore again depriving me of the subjects I wanted for my final and most crucial year of graduation. Result: Expected average marks in TYBCom! Blame it on one failed "stage-performance" 2 years back!

2) While I was planning to get into a good B-School after having cleared the written tests quite easily, there was to be a group discussion round and an interview. Enter the GD room and exit my voice. Finally the examiner shouted out my roll number, "So do you have anything to share with us at all?" Had it been some other day I would've slapped him for his rudeness, but at that point of time the sweat flowed off my forehead like a flooding river and my tongue refused to untie itself. I looked into everyone's staring eyes and I suddenly found my voice, the language coming out of my mouth made me a sound like a perfect student who needs to apply for some "rapid english speaking course". It was embarrassing. As though I hadn't embarrassed myself enough, there was to be an interview. The interview started with "So why do you plan to study MBA?". The utmost calm that I was, I realized that there is no reason solid enough for me to pursue an MBA. Quietly I said, "I don't know" and left the room to the non-astonishment of the interviewers (who were present at the GD too btw, so I guess this was expected by them).

3) There were people pelting stones at some chirpy bats as these bats were keeping them awake at 10 o'clock in the morning. Enraged I screamed at the inhuman human beings. They hurled back some sweet curses and I had no answer to the same. I really wish we were fighting over an IM back then, then I would've had showed those buggers a thing or two for messing with the bats and swearing at me. Lucky bastards!

4) On the rooftop there was a fight for kite. Suddenly my voice deserted me as I fumbled with my reply. Result: Even my own friends couldn't stop laughing at me.

The list goes on. However, there have been times when I just never stopped talking. Like over the phones, although during the conversation I've long realized of how tired the person on the other end has been hearing my voice. This has not only cost me and my dad some "unhealthy" phone bills but also my dear friends and their parents at the other end of the line the same! Sorry guys!

Then there are times when I just can't stop talking, like when I'm utterly nervous, especially during exams. Worst part is this attack of unstoppable talk strikes me while writing a paper. This had earned me the title of "exam-hall radio" during my junior college years. Ms.W always used to come to tell me to kindly shut my "radio station" off during exam hours.

Ah well, I have finally developed an attitude of "I'll keep talking the talk that I like to talk as long as this talk makes me and keeps me happy and this talk isn't affecting the listener physically or emotionally." As the talk I talk has helped me as much as it has failed me and the wannabe optimist that I am, I intend to look at the good things that my endless gab has earned me. So people, bear me or I forgive thee!

Just Another Chaos!

March 20, 2007 - 20:00 hrs

I'd expected it to be a lazy day and I wasn't to be one bit wrong. Didn't sleep a great sleep the night before since my PC was busy stealing some stuff off the net and so I had to wake up every 2 hours to check the download progress; man it's hard work I tell you - downloading stuff - you have to keep track of the same lest it suddenly stops as some selfish bastard refuses to share the shit just like that; but as it turned out my PC failed me this time as at 4.30 am it experienced some system error which forced me to shut it down. The stupid cell reminder disrupted my sleep at 7 am as this friend of mine had left a message to wake her up at 7.30 am. Brushed my teeth, took a stroll on the terrace and called her up only to find that she had never slept the night! Soyi bhi nahi aur boli bhi nahi! Rs.2.50 ka fatka subah subah! Kya yaar! Then I put on the newly downloaded album, but never really finished listening to the first song itself as I took the guitar and tried to strum whatever I'd heard. 10 minutes later I was strumming a different song altogether! A tea break later I reached for the newspaper, then checked blogger for new posts and finally logged on to the mother of all distractions - orkut! An hour later this guy from my uncle's office came calling for me to discuss the project I'd done for them. The most bizarre discussion followed as the wannabe clerk - cum - manager - cum - accountant - cum - designer - cum - artist - cum - ad man - cum - HR exec. - cum -Marketing exec. - tried to feed his ideas into my mocking brain. Two hour long discussion later, I came home and narrated the same to my curious mother and we had a nice laugh pre-lunch. Afternoon was wasted "orkutting" and playing the guitar, evening was spent praying and getting over a weird conversation with a friend who tried to act as "un-cheer-up-able" as possible but the forces of nature won't let her stay in that mood for long, not me! Beware you!

It's 8.15 pm now and I don't expect to get arrested for killing Bob Woolmer as of yet so I think I will watch "The Departed" and sleep in peace for the night. Hope to put up some more chaos by tomorrow. Till then all you people out there, be good and don't do drugs, it kills you know!
Tada!

Chaos Re-Visited

So I thought of the day when this blog came into being. It was sometime back in June 2006 when I had nothing productive to do throughout the day (not that I've become overtly productive now with the time in hand but back then things were worse) and I thought of starting an online diary of some kind, on reading which I was to make myself feel guilty for having wasted my entire day doing nothing! Also it was to cheer me up in someway after having had spent a miserable day at work. The idea died at its birth as the next post took a nice long month to appear on the blog. Two days ago, while I was nicely enjoying my vacation and bathing in the sea, I recalled this long lost thought behind starting my blog and once again I resolved to add to the chaos everyday! So here I go again, trying to live up to what I'd set to achieve and more - to entertain and to re-live!