Just felt like talking!

Have nothing much to do and I really feel like talking right now but sadly there's not too many people left to call so here I go on to make you suffer with this shit. It's going to be a garbage of a post, I can sense it, but am sure am gonna publish this no matter what. So it's your last chance to back off, if you decide to stay on and read this, just don't blame me. I kid you not, there have been incidences in the past when people have actually called me from the US and swore at me for typing out garbage and making them read the same, which not only wasted their time but also corrupted their intellect (or so they claim).

It's not that I have a lot to talk about too you know, weirdly there are not too many thoughts that are haunting me these days; also the chaos that made my life miserable sometime back (and which prevailed for quite a long span of time) has finally calmed itself and the world seems a saner place now. So there's not much that's left to discuss with the world too. I would've called you but then what could I have possibly talked about? You don't wanna know bout my life as it's as still as it was yesterday and I don't mind knowing bout yours but you won't discuss it; so why waste each other's time at all, anyway we hardly have any time left with us anymore. Apart from that, I don't give a fuck about this nation anymore, and I'm pretty much ignorant about world politics or even national politics for that matter; these things never interested me anyway. I would love to talk on music but again I've kind of moved away from it a bit, reserved myself to a few selected bands and I've shunned the others from my world. Also, after those few whom I loved discussing music with, have got too involved in their lives, the interest is slightly fading away. I love movies and am watching quite a few weird flicks these days, but there are just two kinds of people I know - one who have watched too many movies and so they won't talk to me about them, as I wouldn't have watched the second flick that they would talk about. And then there are others who never watch movies - the "in-betweens" like me are again left alone then. It's the same story with books too. 

Someone said that you cannot create friends at work and I nod to that. I don't know why, but you just can't. I tried to commit this mistake of trying to get too friendly with a few colleagues and they felt I don't have a life as I was trying to get too involved in theirs. Alright folks, so I don't have a life, is it a crime? And if I'm just trying to be friends with you, you don't have to give me that look, it's not necessary, it's not called for, am not pushing it, so yes you may fuck off! Thank you! 

Yeah, home is turning out to be a better place these days, sleep also has become my new friend and since Mumbai has started getting colder (trust me it's getting cold here), I have started spending more time under the blanket. 

Work wise life is kind of stable and still not stable; however it's definitely not unstable anymore. I settled at my new job pretty fast, just in a week's time I felt at home and I'm enjoying the place even after 3 months, but then there are issues which are making me think twice about continuing, but I guess I need to hang in here as long as I can, as it's important for me to stick to a place for more than 3 months at least once in these 2 years that I've been working now. 

For those who keep updates, my hair is growing and I don't intend to shave it off till the end of this year - so much for excitement, but I really need to shave my beard man! Been more than 3 weeks and I'm feeling itchy now. 

Now I feel like raising some issues of national interest which nearly "rocked" the nation sometime back.

1. India losing a test match due to bad umpiring. It was disastrous you see. Entire Mumbai went outta water for 3 straight days and no one gave a fuck bout it but the great Indian cricket team losing only and only because of harsh umpiring needed immediate attention. 

2. Harbhajan Singh accused of racism. He called Symonds "monkey". Symonds was deeply offended. Later on Sachin Tendulkar took control of the matter and told the press that Harbhajan is no stupid cunt that he will go on to pass a racist comment, he just said "Maa ki.." which is a very common bad word used throughout the world, just in different languages, and which only is aimed at the other person's mother. Symonds was a happy man that Harbhajan only swore at his (Symonds') mother and not his race. There were rumours that on hearing this, Symonds' mother then hugged Harbhajan and told him to watch his tongue in future. Harbhajan laughingly replied, "Saala.. iske maa ki.. " €œand everyone laughed! (Citation needed)

3. Saurav Ganguly and Rahul Dravid were left out of the one-day squad by the newly appointed skipper M. Dhoni who was always praised by these two players. There were some uprisings in Bengal and Karnataka when this decision took place, but fortunately 90% of police force have their families based in Jharkhand and a-place-like-Jharkhand (Mumbai for the rest), so they were able to handle the situation very well. 

4. British PM wants knighthood for Sachin Tendulkar. Now some news reporter approached me asking for my comments on the same and my reply was simple - "So if Mr. Sachin becomes Sir Sachin tomorrow, will I get good roads? Will I get to travel in a less-crowded train? Will I get clean water to drink at work? Will they cover all those open drains? Will I get to see clean drains and toilets on the streets, even thrash cans and will I see clean roads and will that lead to punishing of those fuckers who keep spitting and dirtying this place? If the answer is a "no" then let them endow knighthood, dayhood, little-red-riding-hood, robinhood or whatever other hood on him, I don't give a fuck as it won't improve my life even a tiny bit and it won't make even 0.0001% difference in anyone's but Sachin's family's life!" Weirdly my comment never got published in the newspaper. 

Phew! There i€™s so much to still gab about but somehow I'€™m now bored and feeling done and satisfied after barking so much. So much for adding to the noise folks, will catch ya soon! Kindly stay tuned! Bless y'€™all!

Travelogue: Part 2

Day 03: Osian on bike!

After some 3 million odd years I slept for 8 hours that day and woke up with a clear head. I was looking forward to the day as I was finally going to travel around Jodhpur. I checked the weather and considering Div's warning when I'd asked her a simple question while I packed my clothes, "Should I carry a sweater" with a reply "Sure! If you plan to kill yourself", I wasn't sure of the kind of clothes to put on. Black was decided against and I thought full-sleeves will serve the purpose as we were to go around Jodhpur on a bike in the desert sun. The advice to apply sunscreen and lip-balm were generally mocked and ridiculed and soon I was to pay the price for it. Div stood outside her hostel gate all covered in Kacky's clothes (don't get me wrong, it was the need of the hour, trust me). We had a breakfast first where Div enjoyed the jalebis for the first time apparently and tried to feed me the spicy mirchi-vada which I wisely avoided. (I find it difficult to eat spicy food due to some medical reasons best never discussed. ) Then we rented a bike (I chose Hero Honda over Enfield saving Rs.200 per day - though I was cursing this decision at first, it was to be a wise one at the end of the trip). 

We started for a place called Osian. Temple, sand-dunes and Cafe Osian were the suggested places to visit there. All set, I handed over my cam to Div and wearing a real funny helmet that came along with the bike (it was as strong as Kacky's cap that Div wore but since I didn't have one to wear, I chose the helmet), and we rode off. 

Cam and pictures: Now it's weird that Div and I have many a similar traits - the art of clicking pictures of the most non-picturesque objects being one of them. Everyone will click what is pleasing to eyes (mountains and all) but then there are things like a cow crossing a road, a pig fighting it's way out of a garbage dump or an open barren road will always be ignored. Somehow we both find it interesting and I came to know of this only after I checked the brilliant shots that Divi had covered. So I was happy to let her have the camera for the rest of the stay at Jodhpur. 

We reached Osian after some two hours. In between we did seek directions as we thought we were lost - the road seemed too straight for too long to some people and there were no direction boards anywhere for the others. Also, in between we stopped over briefly in front of a village school where the kids kept on looking at us and so did their teacher as we clicked a few photographs and had some water. 

Incident of the stupid-cows: I like cows. It's the best meat I've ever eaten. I hate milk but curd, yogurt and milkshakes are always relished. But when am driving at a speed of 60 kmph (Jodhpur's effect on me maybe but I never enjoy riding fast anyway), when a cow just blocks your way and keeps staring at you to dare you to pass her, you really feel like pushing her outta your way, except you can't. It's not Sukritically and Divically possible at least. So we had to wait patiently for them to cross-over an otherwise empty highway. Now there were incidences when these cows used to act like those confused "crossers" you see on the streets - who do not quite know whether to step back or run across when they see the oncoming vehicle and finally, they end up confusing the driver and leading to his crash while they safely cross the road, which is now clear, thanks to the crash in the middle of the street, and then these sinful "crossers" will go home and tell their family how rash the youngsters drive these days! With people, I understand their right to act confused and stupid as we are given this blessed power to think. But cows don't possess this power or so I believe. They just act as per their instincts. But just that day they were acting as if they were able to think. I think the desert sun was affecting them too. They just irritated the hell outta me that day!

The temple at Osian was beautiful. The mirrored walls and terrific architecture combined with almost no people and clean surroundings (which are a rarity otherwise) made it a peaceful experience. The sand-dunes could be seen from the temple and the reason for calling Jodhpur a blue-city was now becoming clear. But it was only when I saw the city from Meharangarh fort that it became evident to me. We waited at the temple for some twenty-thirty minutes. The hot desert sun and the dryness in the air were now doing their wonders on my skin. I started feeling it on my fingers first and then as I carefully looked at my arms, I realised every part of exposed skin was sun burnt. As they say, focus on pain and you'll feel the hurt - now that I saw the dark spots, I started feeling the burns. The lips now started hurting and suddenly I was desperate for water. The bottle got empty in no time and we needed more water. The sand-dunes were still to be seen and Cafe Osian was to be our resting place. We had to reach there as soon as possible. So we got 2 litres of water and set off towards the dunes. Just 15 minutes later we saw two dead animals on otherwise empty streets. This and it was 1.30 pm and the desert wasn't getting any colder, so we wisely dropped the idea and started back to the hostel. Though we did catch a glimpse of the sand-dunes, it was to be the last picture that was to be shot that day as Div fell asleep in no time. Had it not been for the "Pulsar-effect", her sleep went almost undisturbed throughout. 

The Pulsar-effect: Now I am used to driving a Bajaj Pulsar for 2 years now and it's gears are exactly opposite to Hero Honda's. While for Pulsar you push the lever down to increase the gears, you do the exact opposite by pressing the lever upwards to increase the gears in Hero Honda. So when, by mistake, I used to gun the engine and lower the gear, the jerk the rider got was awakening indeed! This was termed as the "Pulsar-effect". On arriving at Mumbai, when I rode the Pulsar, I experienced the "Hero Honda-effect" 

So when Ms. Divya awoke in between, I asked her a question which left us both umm.. scared.. no alert, "Do you think we are lost? Cause none of the direction signs show a way back to Jodhpur and the road just doesn't look familiar". We were desperate to ask for directions but there was just no one on the road and I just kept seeing dead animals everywhere. The sun was horrible but that was least of my problems back then. I had to know if we were going the right way as even the bike was making some weird noise and we were just standing on a straight-barren expanse with no life around. We decided to keep moving though and after some twenty minutes we finally found a broken-down truck getting repaired by a couple of people. We asked them the direction and fortunately for us we weren't too far away from the right way. I had to take a breather as I had got a bit tensed myself. After finishing a bottle of water, we were off towards the city. We filled our stomachs and then started for the hostel. 

We were a bit disappointed that we couldn't quite visit the much-hyped Cafe Osian but later on we got the news that it was some evil prank played on us by one of Divi's friends who'd wanted us to go and suffer at the Cafe - as it is apparently a strictly to-be-avoided Cafe.

I headed straight for a shower and slept a calm sleep. Then Div came to the guest house and we tried to watch a movie but got bored and started roaming around the campus. I met a couple of bloggers but I was still to meet my so-called cousin Ms. Preeti. Sometime later Kacky joined us. Then we had a nice talkative dinner and then we departed to our rooms. My plans of development of the football field for its optimum utilisation were again ignored by everyone! But that fortunately didn't affect my sleep and I waited the next day as we were to visit quite a few places the next day!

(to be continued...)

Travelogue: Part 1

(Mumbai - Jodhpur - Delhi - Rourkela - Bhubhaneshwar - Puri)

Rewind. Edit. Play.

It was September 5, 2007 and I was utterly bored at home. Raghu comes online and asks me if I can visit him at Rourkela sometime later in October. I say yes without giving it a second thought. Sometime later Divya comes online and I tell her of my plans to go to Rourkela to meet Raghu. She blackmails me into coming to Jodhpur. Without giving it another thought I agree to it. I straight away check the trains and find that there's no train that goes directly from Jodhpur to Rourkela. Delhi becomes inevitable. Red, Ankita, Simrita and Prerna at Delhi are immediately contacted so they make provisions for my stopover at Delhi.

About 3 days later, after finalising the dates with everyone, I go on to book the tickets and inform my parents that I'm off to Jodhpur on the 1st of October. Mom and dad had by then stopped reacting to my weird ideas, it was only on the 10th, when the courier guy came to deliver the tickets, did mom freak out. By then I was trying to stop reacting to mom's over-protective talks.

Day 1: Peace and sleep cometh!

I looked for seat number 24 and nicely rested there. My dear scared mom had forced my dad to drop me at the station. My dad suddenly entered that, "God I can't believe my little boy (aged 24) is going to travel alone" phase and he came with me inside the train to see that I was seated properly. A friendly family occupied the adjoining berths. My dad told them that I was traveling alone for the first time and they should look after me in case I needed anything. I gave them a long sweet smile and assured my dad that I will be fine. As the train left, the family tried to indulge into a conversation with me and the embarrassed me tried to keep my cool and just gave them direct answers so no further questions were put. A relieving "hmph" later the family started enjoying their chow while I started with Chuck Palahniuk's "Diary". The TC came and the fun began.

I tell you folks, there is a reason my mom is so worried about me and sending me out on my own. You see, I fail to see. I mean I'm just a pathetic observer. I claim to become an artist someday and I do not observe well. Yes some dreams will forever be, but that's not the point here, I wanted to get out of the house and go on my own so that I learn to take up the responsibility for at least myself. I was armed with 6000 bucks for my disposal and my bank account had just 1000 bucks above the minimum balance needed and so my limit was 7000 bucks for 13 days and I thought that was going to be quite a challenge since I intended to travel a lot in these 13 days and I was to come out as a winner! Fuck you if you don't appreciate that.

So as I was saying, the TC came in and asked for the ticket, I obeyed him and he told me I was on the wrong seat. "The ticket says 24 and I am on seat number 24", I said. "Alright Mr. Nagraj, I'll help you read your ticket. The coloumn which is named "Age" specifies your age and the coloumn which is named "Seat No." specifies your seat number. So you are 24 years old and your seat number is 42. Got it?" I thanked him for educating me and also embarrassing me for the second time in just 30 minutes and quietly walked to my correct seat. But the TC was a jovial fellow and he just patted on my back saying no problem and if I need anything he can just ask for it. I thanked him and was happy to see that there was no one seating besides me and also there was no one to be on the adjoining berths for the rest of the journey! I opened my black diary and started writing now that I had complete privacy. I wrote till emotions tired me out and I nicely went off to sleep, not even caring to place an order for dinner. I woke up sometime during midnight and had a small snack of cupcake and chivda that my mom had packed for me. Then again I got lost in a peaceful slumber after some million years. It was bliss!

Day 2: I meet Divi!

Since it was 6.30 am, Divi and Kacky, thought I am grown up enough to find my way on my own to their hostel where they had made provisions for me at the guest house.

Story of the guest house: I was booked under the name of Sukrit Nagarajan since I was to play a cousin to a certain Ms. Preeti Sunderarajan. My address was mysteriously a Delhi address which weirdly matched Kacky's address and still had my real telephone number. I am prohibited from elucidating further on this matter to "the outsiders". Reference to an "outsider" in this post and any other post related to the present topic would mean any other person who is not Divi or Kacky.

So I reached Jodhpur and after settling at Rs.80 with the auto-rickshaw driver (Divi said they looted me while I heard someone say "good deal dude") to take me to the university I was on my way. Now believe me, Jodhpur autos travel at the maximum speed of 20 kmph and it's either the incapacity of the autos to travel faster than that or it's the fear of the road that keeps them going beyond this speed. It's 'killingly' frustrating as it takes more than half an hour to reach a distance that a bicycle can cover in 15 minutes max!

I reached NLU safely (Yeah! You can't get killed at a speed of 20 kmph!) and there was Divi, all geared up to head for classes. It was hard to believe that they hadn't declared a holiday on my arrival there, or even arranged a nice strip-show, or even a decent daaru-party at the hostel! But I gulped down the insult as I was just too happy to meet my sistaah and after "I can't believe I'm here" and "Even I can't believe you are here" were exchanged between us, the auto-waala asked if we intended to go further towards the guest house or just stay there exchanging surprised-but-happy glances. We decided to head to the guest house as Div was getting late for her class and I was to have company later in the day at the guest house**.

**Unfortunately, this was the funniest part of the trip and the previously mentioned censor board has asked me to edit elucidating on this matter too, before "the outsiders"!

I was to have the guest house for myself for sometime and was to meet Div at the mess in 2 hrs time, so I made a list of things to do in that time and tried to re-build my dilapidating muscles by working out in the room itself (the gym was closed). Then a refreshing shower later I went on to meet Div and Kacky at the mess and then to relish my omelet served for breakfast. Happy that I got an egg-meal in the morning itself, Div headed for her class while I started for my room. By the time I woke up, the sun had already begun to set and Div's classes had ended so I went out to meet her. I was carrying the hopes of my dear sis introducing me to AT LEAST one hot chick during that time but I had to wait for 2 whole days before she even introduced me to another chick!

The rest of the day was spent in roaming around the campus and eating at a nearby restaurant. Many interesting places were shown to me around the campus and no one co-operated with me when I asked for company to enter these places. It was unfair! All I ever asked was to see the football field properly, but people just won't give me company! Then I had some brilliant proposals for the optimum utilisation of the football field but no one seemed to care much bout it and just dismissed it as another one of my crazy ideas! Eventually I gave up convincing people and quietly departed to my room. I was dying for the next day to begin as it was planned to be a "Divi-Suk" day!

(to be continued..)

Somewhere Back In Time

Maybe I just woke up in a wrong land, I don't know really. But it's suffocating when the words you speak do not make any sense to the ears around you. You cannot relate to the beings surrounding you and there is this feeling of being disconnected from this world, this ghastly feeling of being alienated in the world you called your own sometime back. It's a shock when the people who claim to know you inside out just refuse to recognize you now. Finally it so happens that the world you dream to build or create is not something that anyone else can bear to see (or so I believe) and then these now-aliens go on to label you a fool and your dream and thoughts are mocked and ridiculed. 

Darkness is beautiful, something that I'd always adored. In darkness you have only yourself and you cannot see any of this shit that lies around you or that you are covered with. But you can feel you and that's bliss. Darkness is a natural blind of a sort and then there's no one to blame. You may keep your eyes wide open or shut them close; it doesn't matter now as what is within you, is also now around you. Isn’t that simply majestic? 

Ignorance is bliss and I have started dwelling in this bliss now. Darkness preaches it, doesn't it? It restrains the outside from maligning you, decaying you. It basically stops the dead from decay as it doesn't allow the outside to touch you. All it leaves you with is you, your own self, your head and your imagination. Now you can expand within yourself. This is your chance to grow now. Aren't we finally alone anyway? Isn't this so-called companionship a deceit anyway - just an illusion created by this dumbfuck world which strives for a shoulder to rest on and then when the world drifts in a different course, it creates an illusion of a void. It's funny how we know this and still we keep fooling ourselves by living in a make-belief world. Perhaps we are addicted to this social vision as we go on to cover ourselves with this fake security. Perhaps we are too afraid to step out of this life and enter solitude. The fear of unknown will forever haunt us. We hate change as we are unsure that we can survive the change. The fact is we all can and it is not even an issue to sail through it but we have this habit of creating noise and confusion around us and we ourselves are the creators of this disturbance, this chaos, that now engulfs us. Laziness cannot stop an inevitable change in circumstance; we may stop ourselves and procrastinate but we cannot stop the time, the life, the change.

Changing your own self and adaptation or acceptance saves the perception of hurt and misery, this waste of emotion. But we sometimes choose to stay stranded in a time that has already passed us and as a result we stretch this stubborn, non-flexible life and develop these cracks, these holes. You cannot survive in a dead world. Then there are times when you choose to step out of this already extinct time and create a new world - it's then that you are ready to bring about a change. Slowly you become the change and ultimately you become a rebel.

Rating it an escape might be someone's perception but who is anyone to judge you and your life, your change, your rebellion? It is a choice you have made to live your life, which only you can know the best as you are the one living it and not that fuckin' asshole who is sitting there and mocking you. Entering darkness is my choice as I hate to face this sun anymore. It doesn't belong to me anymore. I find peace and calm in this tunnel I've dug for myself, my own secret place, my own invisible friends, my own universe - the one that shall remain forever untouched by this crazy bitch of a world which time and again jabs those voodoo pins in me and stabs me red. Fuck you! I don't belong to you and here I go now, walking away forever from you, walking away into my unknown, into my unseen. It was good to know you but all in all you're just another.... need I say more? 

:)