It feels like I've stepped in a time machine that is going to take me back to a time and space that I had longed to get away from, that I had successfully stepped out of. But I am pushing myself towards the same place, yet again. It is like entangling myself in a never-ending cycle of events that will just run round and round and finally arrive at nothing. It will go on to destroy everything that it meets, almost ruthlessly, but it won't stop. And this my friend, is at times very scary and at the same time, extremely addictive and irresistible. The energy is so strong that it keeps pulling me towards it, like a magnet, you cannot help but stick to the downfall, to my downfall and I cannot help but slide along, deliberate and conscious, like I always wanted it, always hoped for it as this is where the drama lies. This is the only stage where I shall stand and I shall get my audience and everyone shall be watching and I shall be the star of the show, so I shall be getting all the attention in the world. Things we do to get noticed, things we did as babies so people pay attention, things we do as grown-ups so we don't feel alone. Things we do as human beings so we feel wanted, so we feel important in other person's life, things we do so we can live happily in denial, denial of the facts that we tend to accept and let go off every day. How convenient, how shameful. This trance is so beautiful, that one can only experience out of the lack of proper sleep and listening to the brilliance called deftones!