this one on how one fucks up everything and then how everything else fucks you up

First you get a project you were really looking forward to work on, where you get to travel, meet new people and work on something that you always wanted to do. You go away and get distracted to the extent that you forget that there was work to be done. Then you come home and are filled with guilt, so you spend three sleepless nights in a row and finish off everything that was pending. Then there are meetings and other formalities to complete with another God. Then you go on to act super-impatient and in haste take up one more new thing that could've easily waited for a month, while you could've organized and settled yourself with the already pending work in hand. But insecurity gets the better of you and you end up, not only setting something that you haven't really done before, but you also undertake two more projects at the same time. Finally, you slog, slog, slog, slog and get everything ready from your end and then comes a gestation period, where all you can do is wait, wait, wait and wait for the delivery date. And then the grand day arrives where the clients have done their part, you have done your part and now the rest of the act depends on the actions of that third-God. The God calls in sick and sigh, again the time stands still and again we are lost in another one of those deep, dark periods of wait. Fuckin' impatience!

Needless Attention

Oh, give me attention,
So I can ignore you
Give me your trust now,
So more I can fuck you
Give me your life, bitch
So I can control you
I wanted to play God
So I went on to own you

Fuck this mindless existence
Love by love, let's kill each other
Oh, I want some pity
Give me that look
And I'll go on to smother
This wastage of a beautiful life,
I waste my time with you

Tie me in chains, so I never move on
And give me another pill to swallow
I can't live no longer on your fuckin' dose
So give me a new life
Or give me a noose

I'm a deluded child,
Squandering time,
Entangled in my life of lies
And this hole of a world, never bothered
To see my rights
So I painted my wrongs in colours of red
And bled your scars to life

Slitting your life from the cliffs of glory
Holding the black flags, high high high
I shouted and screamed, now this is my story
All I want is now, for you to die

Wisdumb

Do not mind the words of the drunk, cause he knows no fear, understands no suffering and feels no pain.

We Make Movies And Then Movies Make Us

Is it weird that I never find a reason good enough to celebrate, and actually feel celebration is a waste of time? I'm still to find anything worth fighting for. I think I had one for sometime, and then I just got bored, gave up. It was pointless. I don't like it when I start depending on anything or anyone. It makes me clingy. I detest clingy people, can't stand the sight of them. Probably cause they are a shadow of me. So I walk away. There is this sexy line in Ronin when De Niro is asked if he's killed anyone and he answers, "No. But I've hurt someone's feelings". Killer! And then I smile at myself and say, what the hell, I'm a bad man, so be it. Almost like the Rabbi from Lucky Number Slevin. "I'm a bad man who doesn't waste time wondering what could've been when I am what could've been and what could not have been. I live on both sides of the fence. My grass is always green." It's strange when I don't feel even one bit proud of anything about my life. People everywhere are proud of so many things, the college they attended, the concert they attended, the country they live in, their culture, their guitar, their family and my attitude goes, "Oh, whatever". Smiles, fun times, laughter, are all fine. But nothing lasts. I go on to attend a fantastic show and come out overwhelmed, seriously awed by the performance, trying to remember and feel the vibrations of the vocal harmonies that took over my numb brain and gave me a high that no fuckin drug in this world can ever give, and then I'm surrounded by a happy and equally awed group, left totally speechless by the same and yet I feel lost, not finding the reason to dance. It's crazy but somehow I'm always reminded of the fact that all good and beautiful things eventually turn ugly. As the wise and not so old Chuck Palahniuk puts it, there is a reason we are not immortal, else we might end up killing each other eventually. Everything finally wilts and dies. Nothing lasts. Two people, however lost they can be at that moment, cannot be in that place for good, except in movies, of course where the fuckin heart goes on and on and on. And yet we celebrate the moment, living the moment as everyone puts it. Finding joy in small things. Getting wasted doesn't make one happy, just numb. And isn't the numbness we are all after anyway? Nothing's real, these achievements and failures, greats and losers, mortals and supermen, Gods and barbarians, all these values and morals, all make-beliefs so we don't end up shooting down each other. But what's the point? We all die, eventually. It's just a mental state. Seriously Walter, what's the point?