Thursday, May 10, 2007

And Again!

I've never claimed my life to be fun. As I had mentioned in my "firstest" post, fun and me stay hundred miles apart. But I have always believed that there was some kind of motion in my life. All this has come to a disturbing halt! Oh, the chaos still exists, but there is monotony. I used to bitch about it but I admit to have learnt quite a lot from this chaos itself; but suddenly the chaos has silenced itself in a very different way. There used to be million things in my head while I went on to live my day, but I've arrested the rest of my activities and now there is monotony. It was supposed to simplify my life but it has complicated my mind further, the result of inactivity surely.

It has been more than three months since I've touched that black diary of mine, so all these days I haven't written a single word; it's been 5 days since I've played a complete song on my guitar, (it's been more than a month since I've learnt a new song which is another disturbing fact); it's been more than a month since I've gone for a nice jog and stared at the sidey couples making out in the park; it's been more than 3 months since the next door aunty has seen me work out from her glass window; it's been God-knows-how-many months since I've talked utter nonsense with Ms. Mohanty or Mr. Rangarajan or even Ms. Das for that matter, (Ms. Das and Ms. Mohanty have suddenly disappeared in their own sweet world is a different issue altogether, though I haven't had a proper opportunity to disturb them either); also Ms. P Singh has been busy with her life and no pseudo flirting has had happened in past 2 months apparently; it's been 2 weeks since I've shaved my beard and 3 months since I've trimmed the goatee part of it, I was forced to shampoo it the other day as it started getting entangled within itself, that was one hell of a moment! My deodorant bottle is empty and I have been stinking at work for 4 days now; my sketch book lies untouched and I don't know if I can draw anymore, there is more to support this doubt of mine - the other day when my friend asked me to draw a caricature of a cow, I tried making the same for some 4 days and was totally unsuccessful! It was pathetic! I haven't read the newspaper for more than a month now, I never was much of a news channel guy, but I still tried to stay in tune with the happenings in this mockshit labeled as " our world"; VH1 and all other music channels simply don't matter to me anymore.

I just am feeling I've arrested my own self at a place where I am actually beginning to believe I'm "working"! I've never worked in my life and I don't like to work! I have always believed that the purpose of life is defeated when you stop enjoying it and well, that is exactly what happens when you feel you are "working"!

Well, as Scott Stapp rightly says:

I cry out to God
Seeking only his decision
Gabriel stands and confirms
I've created my own prison

Now kindly excuse me, I have to jet, need to reach office in 30 minutes! So long and goodnight!

PS: A special thanks to Ms. Divya, Ms. Red and Ms. Kaul for their smart ass messages which have helped me get through some really dull and boring moments that have become a frequent phenomena of late.


Dread not those who curse you
'Cause they are inviting their own doom
Keep the ones who bless you
'Cause it's them who'll help you get through
(It may not be the best creations, but it is very related)


Sneha said...

sukuuuuuuu!! what is WRONG?!!? what have they DONE to you!?! is 'work' THAT bad? man. the post sounds manjorly depressing to me :S was it MEANT to be THAT 'melancholic'?
hmm. sigh. you know, you don't HAVE to work and not enjoy it. work and enjoy na. i know i know. extremely theoritical this is and especially when it's coming from a 17 year old sitting miles away in the nice, warm comfort and protection of her home. hmm. but really, there IS no other way na. think about all the monnneeeyyy you make!! i'm SO drooling :P:P whew. think about 'financial independance'!!! all that jazz. kind of worth a little bit, right? but i 100% agree with you when you say "I have always believed that the purpose of life is defeated when you stop enjoying it". Quote quote! BUT. "well, that is exactly what happens when you feel you are "working"!" i mean, DUDEEE you're still in an industry that you WANT to be in. think of all the square pegs in round holes. think of those who are still figuring out whether they're square pegs or round ones! definitely, yours is a more desirable position:) you must totally take so much pride that you're WORKING and EARNING and you're standing on your own feet and own balboota, etc. i know i know, these must exactly be the ones that keep you going :) it's just that, may be, sometimes, we need to hear things we already know from someone else :D Leo, pleaseeee don't stop dreaming BIG okay? I know you leos HATE working FOR someone. you guys always have this dream to make it 'own your own' and be the boss of your own self, for who else can rule a Lion? Say? Keep at it!! All your dreams of making it BIG will surely materialize! Keep up the name of all the leos on this planet, you!
Okay. I'm getting out of control. heehee. tata and please, love life. we know you have reason enough :P:P

Red said...

hehe.. go home and play your guitar today.. trust me, you'll feel better.. and u r welcome.. its good to know that smart-assness helps somebody.. :p

Anonymous said...

bhorry not yaar! we coming na? we will all have loads of fun! you gonna take leave na for us? please please pretty please? we wil be merry as grigs! :)
loads of hugs for you!!!!
:) :) :) :)
oh yeah and whats with ms/mr??? work has made you polite???!!!!
and don't worry, i haven't seen or heard from ms das for an enternity, and we live 20 mins from each other!
ps ko maaf kar de yaar, woh deeply busy hai yaar! ;P
haan haan ms kaul bahut achi hai! woh sabka dhayan rakhti hai!
and na please buy a deo fast! hokie dokie? else no hugs for you!
and shave also yaar! and hmmm...bus!!
hug you again!

raghu said...

im mr. raghuraman.. my dad is mr rangarajan :P
i think u shud marry.. ill get free food na.. and meet up all our blogger pals.. maza aayegea.. marry na!

ninkita said...

ah, so i'm relegated to a PS now??
i'm sooooo irritated today its not even funny. so there's a new post up.. attempt at cheering up and so forth..

new age scheherazade said...

why don't you create a webcomic.raghu hooked onto me onto one called you have the disturber, huh.

another brick in the wall said...

@ sneha:

thanks a lot for that.. really felt good on reading all u've written u know! its not about age u know, i never underestimate anyone.. thats y i take advice from u in so many matters na? also i share with u so many things dont i? not many know of them pal.. just need a 3rd person 2 tell me that wat am thinkin is rt.. and i alwyz felt u had the maturity n sense enuff 2 understnd me (who himself hasn't actually grown outta his teens [:)] )

well yes.. i wanna work on my own in my own sweet way.. i dont like being dominated upon.. i jst walk away or kick that person's ass.. depending upon the situation.. well yeah.. need 2 be patient here

oh gotta clear a major misconception here.. from where did u get the idea am makin a LOTTA money?? hehehe.. no yaa.. not yet.. am not complaining here cz it wud jst be ungrateful towards His offerings ( i know.. spiritual n all) but i wanna be as satisfied as poss).. so yeah.. stll 2 make anyway near good money n make my folks proud.. long way 2 go yaa! long long way.. but will be there surely :)

once again.. thank u 4 everythng :)

@ red: yes yes.. am gonna strum my baby now.. rt now :)

@ anon/sim: u guys come fast yaa.. jet on! am waiting so badly for ur arrival :)

dont worry i shall buy the deo in a day or 2.. u may hug me as much as u want then but i doubt i'll shave :P

ps has been busy for million yrs now :(.. yes yes.. anky is very kind indeed :)

@ raghu: got a gal? suggest one :P

@ nin: kya hua tereko? yaar tu tension mat le yaar.. sab theek hoga.. mein hai na :)

@ anasua: yes yes.. i have the disturber.. more disturbances will be released shortly.. god.. i need time 2 sketch.. the stories are ready.. 2 are at least! plz be patient.. urself n everyone else too.. thank u :)

Sneha said...

hahah! c'mon.. even 2000 bucks a month which you've earned on your own is muchhhh sweeter than 20,000 that you inherit as allowance or whatever from your rich daddy-mommy (i'm using 'you' generically). THAT is what i'm talking about. :D:D

and GOD! i KNOW you don't consider me a sidey bachchi :P.. that was just to tone down the preachiness! hahhah waise bhi, i think i've told you before also, leos and saggis never 'grow up'. way to go you guys!! 'growing up' is SO uncool. my sis (who is a sag) threatens me that she'll act like a snobby 'big sister' if i don't get my act together.. haha..she never does, no matter how hard she tries!! that's what makes sags and leos such endearing beings :P:P

raghu said...

:D i agree convinced growing up is a bad thing :S

heh? ok said...

ms. das is always around, just that her masters sucked the life out of her....almost. but its OVER, and I'M BACK, and we are going to have FUN. you'll see.

another brick in the wall said...

@ sneha: haha.. i now got the point *nods sagaciously* :)

yes yes.. we are "the cool ones" :P

@ ms.das: yay! waiting for u guys 2 come here wid bated breath.. very excited :)

Divya said...

hey... idiot... just like that getting depressed... and upar se thanking me for messaging you.. ur an idiot... remember when my college 1st started and you told me to hang in there and be strong.. you were a major help and now i love college... its only a matter of time before you like it there.. like sneha said.. atleast ur in a profession u like... all that she said about pegs and holes and all.. makes a whole lotta sense... wat u need to do is stop wallowing in self pity and thinking about how everything sucks... sit and cool ur head and play ur guitar.. im assigning you a song.. so learn The reason by Hoobastank and u have to play and show me... then draw me another caricature of me along with "somebody"... im even giving u permission to kick my ass but only for a little bit.. see how nice im being :)
chalo cheer up or else...
love ya :)

abhu said...

hota hai yaar... i guess this is wat is called "weird moodswings" (though ur's seemed to persist for quite some days :)

another brick in the wall said...

@ div:

well college's a different story.. umm.. yeah.. u r rt tho.. wont spend time in self pityin n bitchin anymore.. i shalt look at the brighter side.. sure sure! :D
i shall finish of ur asssignments asap ma'am :P
love ya back :)

@ abhu:

am gettin used 2 it n am now gettin better.. there are hell too many unstated factors that are affectin my moods too.. once i deal wid them.. i shall be good.. so soon i shall be normal.. in fact am almost there :)

Pari said...

tu mereko itna miss kiya? tu no pseudo-flirting ki baat karta hai...maine toh tere liye kitna live action create kar diya...dekh! :P

another brick in the wall said...

@ pari: hehe.. thank u thank u :)