Coma

We all need to wake up from our own personal coma.

Food For Thought? Just some fuckin' chaos!

Warning: This is not meant to be deep. If you are looking for some deep shit kindly get outta here. If you expect anything deeper than a kid’s swimming pool on this blog, you are sadly mistaken my friend.

And I blame Kacky for this post, as a weird statement in his mail made me stop my work-out and forced me to think!

*******

“Things we own, end up owning us” – Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club)

The other day Tanmay was told a few things:
1. People from the top notch companies are looking for stress-relief. If they are working in top companies then they shouldn’t be stressed. Is it the stress to maintain the position at the top? Maybe.
2. A man traveling by bus dreams that one day he will be rich enough to travel by a BMW. One day he achieves that dream and buys one BMW. The next day a cyclist crashes against his car and there are scratches all over the rich BMW. The man is upset. Reason - the scratch on the car is not only on the car but it’s also on his self.
3. A man can be happy traveling in a bus and he can, at the same time, be upset and tensed while traveling by a plane.

We maintain our car, like we maintain our house, like we maintain our body, our health. All our life we are busy maintaining stuff that eventually will die, disappear, won’t be a part of this superficial world. So why take the trouble? Probably, so that while we still own it (or it still owns us as we fail to distinguish ourselves from the same), it stays in good shape. So basically, although it is quite apart from “us”, it is still a part of “us”.

Now some school of thoughts say that everything is finally one. We are all one. Some say it’s all infinite. Some say the end quotient is null (positive and negative theory). Now this is confusing. I somehow don’t believe in the positive negative theory as I don’t believe that any action can be judged as positive or negative. So I won’t waste my thoughts on that. But if I was to believe in the universe being one, then there is a problem in my head.

The car and I are two distinct objects, just like the house and me, just like my body and me. So if my body isn’t me, then what is me? Don’t give me the crap “soul”. I know it’s probably the “soul” but how? What if I say, maintain the soul by keeping it pure. Now I don’t believe in purity again as when I say “keep it pure” then it will just mean I’m going back to the positive and negative theory that I don’t believe in.

There is a belief that I can’t justify, we hold all the answers within us, we hold all the information and it is all very obvious to us, in fact it is so obvious that we ignore it all the time.

Give me a name and I’m defined in this world. Like my parents gave me a name and I’m known by that name to them. At blogger, I decided to choose my identity as another brick in the wall and bloggers know me by this name. So finally it is just some random name which means nothing. So strip me off my name, and everything that is so superficially “mine” and what gets left of me is me. But how do I do it? So who exactly am I? What exactly is me? Unfortunately, I’m not intelligent enough to figure this out or maybe the answers are all staring in my face and am not able to read them!

Just felt like talking!

Have nothing much to do and I really feel like talking right now but sadly there's not too many people left to call so here I go on to make you suffer with this shit. It's going to be a garbage of a post, I can sense it, but am sure am gonna publish this no matter what. So it's your last chance to back off, if you decide to stay on and read this, just don't blame me. I kid you not, there have been incidences in the past when people have actually called me from the US and swore at me for typing out garbage and making them read the same, which not only wasted their time but also corrupted their intellect (or so they claim).

It's not that I have a lot to talk about too you know, weirdly there are not too many thoughts that are haunting me these days; also the chaos that made my life miserable sometime back (and which prevailed for quite a long span of time) has finally calmed itself and the world seems a saner place now. So there's not much that's left to discuss with the world too. I would've called you but then what could I have possibly talked about? You don't wanna know bout my life as it's as still as it was yesterday and I don't mind knowing bout yours but you won't discuss it; so why waste each other's time at all, anyway we hardly have any time left with us anymore. Apart from that, I don't give a fuck about this nation anymore, and I'm pretty much ignorant about world politics or even national politics for that matter; these things never interested me anyway. I would love to talk on music but again I've kind of moved away from it a bit, reserved myself to a few selected bands and I've shunned the others from my world. Also, after those few whom I loved discussing music with, have got too involved in their lives, the interest is slightly fading away. I love movies and am watching quite a few weird flicks these days, but there are just two kinds of people I know - one who have watched too many movies and so they won't talk to me about them, as I wouldn't have watched the second flick that they would talk about. And then there are others who never watch movies - the "in-betweens" like me are again left alone then. It's the same story with books too. 

Someone said that you cannot create friends at work and I nod to that. I don't know why, but you just can't. I tried to commit this mistake of trying to get too friendly with a few colleagues and they felt I don't have a life as I was trying to get too involved in theirs. Alright folks, so I don't have a life, is it a crime? And if I'm just trying to be friends with you, you don't have to give me that look, it's not necessary, it's not called for, am not pushing it, so yes you may fuck off! Thank you! 

Yeah, home is turning out to be a better place these days, sleep also has become my new friend and since Mumbai has started getting colder (trust me it's getting cold here), I have started spending more time under the blanket. 

Work wise life is kind of stable and still not stable; however it's definitely not unstable anymore. I settled at my new job pretty fast, just in a week's time I felt at home and I'm enjoying the place even after 3 months, but then there are issues which are making me think twice about continuing, but I guess I need to hang in here as long as I can, as it's important for me to stick to a place for more than 3 months at least once in these 2 years that I've been working now. 

For those who keep updates, my hair is growing and I don't intend to shave it off till the end of this year - so much for excitement, but I really need to shave my beard man! Been more than 3 weeks and I'm feeling itchy now. 

Now I feel like raising some issues of national interest which nearly "rocked" the nation sometime back.

1. India losing a test match due to bad umpiring. It was disastrous you see. Entire Mumbai went outta water for 3 straight days and no one gave a fuck bout it but the great Indian cricket team losing only and only because of harsh umpiring needed immediate attention. 

2. Harbhajan Singh accused of racism. He called Symonds "monkey". Symonds was deeply offended. Later on Sachin Tendulkar took control of the matter and told the press that Harbhajan is no stupid cunt that he will go on to pass a racist comment, he just said "Maa ki.." which is a very common bad word used throughout the world, just in different languages, and which only is aimed at the other person's mother. Symonds was a happy man that Harbhajan only swore at his (Symonds') mother and not his race. There were rumours that on hearing this, Symonds' mother then hugged Harbhajan and told him to watch his tongue in future. Harbhajan laughingly replied, "Saala.. iske maa ki.. " €œand everyone laughed! (Citation needed)

3. Saurav Ganguly and Rahul Dravid were left out of the one-day squad by the newly appointed skipper M. Dhoni who was always praised by these two players. There were some uprisings in Bengal and Karnataka when this decision took place, but fortunately 90% of police force have their families based in Jharkhand and a-place-like-Jharkhand (Mumbai for the rest), so they were able to handle the situation very well. 

4. British PM wants knighthood for Sachin Tendulkar. Now some news reporter approached me asking for my comments on the same and my reply was simple - "So if Mr. Sachin becomes Sir Sachin tomorrow, will I get good roads? Will I get to travel in a less-crowded train? Will I get clean water to drink at work? Will they cover all those open drains? Will I get to see clean drains and toilets on the streets, even thrash cans and will I see clean roads and will that lead to punishing of those fuckers who keep spitting and dirtying this place? If the answer is a "no" then let them endow knighthood, dayhood, little-red-riding-hood, robinhood or whatever other hood on him, I don't give a fuck as it won't improve my life even a tiny bit and it won't make even 0.0001% difference in anyone's but Sachin's family's life!" Weirdly my comment never got published in the newspaper. 

Phew! There i€™s so much to still gab about but somehow I'€™m now bored and feeling done and satisfied after barking so much. So much for adding to the noise folks, will catch ya soon! Kindly stay tuned! Bless y'€™all!

Travelogue: Part 2

Day 03: Osian on bike!

After some 3 million odd years I slept for 8 hours that day and woke up with a clear head. I was looking forward to the day as I was finally going to travel around Jodhpur. I checked the weather and considering Div's warning when I'd asked her a simple question while I packed my clothes, "Should I carry a sweater" with a reply "Sure! If you plan to kill yourself", I wasn't sure of the kind of clothes to put on. Black was decided against and I thought full-sleeves will serve the purpose as we were to go around Jodhpur on a bike in the desert sun. The advice to apply sunscreen and lip-balm were generally mocked and ridiculed and soon I was to pay the price for it. Div stood outside her hostel gate all covered in Kacky's clothes (don't get me wrong, it was the need of the hour, trust me). We had a breakfast first where Div enjoyed the jalebis for the first time apparently and tried to feed me the spicy mirchi-vada which I wisely avoided. (I find it difficult to eat spicy food due to some medical reasons best never discussed. ) Then we rented a bike (I chose Hero Honda over Enfield saving Rs.200 per day - though I was cursing this decision at first, it was to be a wise one at the end of the trip). 

We started for a place called Osian. Temple, sand-dunes and Cafe Osian were the suggested places to visit there. All set, I handed over my cam to Div and wearing a real funny helmet that came along with the bike (it was as strong as Kacky's cap that Div wore but since I didn't have one to wear, I chose the helmet), and we rode off. 

Cam and pictures: Now it's weird that Div and I have many a similar traits - the art of clicking pictures of the most non-picturesque objects being one of them. Everyone will click what is pleasing to eyes (mountains and all) but then there are things like a cow crossing a road, a pig fighting it's way out of a garbage dump or an open barren road will always be ignored. Somehow we both find it interesting and I came to know of this only after I checked the brilliant shots that Divi had covered. So I was happy to let her have the camera for the rest of the stay at Jodhpur. 

We reached Osian after some two hours. In between we did seek directions as we thought we were lost - the road seemed too straight for too long to some people and there were no direction boards anywhere for the others. Also, in between we stopped over briefly in front of a village school where the kids kept on looking at us and so did their teacher as we clicked a few photographs and had some water. 

Incident of the stupid-cows: I like cows. It's the best meat I've ever eaten. I hate milk but curd, yogurt and milkshakes are always relished. But when am driving at a speed of 60 kmph (Jodhpur's effect on me maybe but I never enjoy riding fast anyway), when a cow just blocks your way and keeps staring at you to dare you to pass her, you really feel like pushing her outta your way, except you can't. It's not Sukritically and Divically possible at least. So we had to wait patiently for them to cross-over an otherwise empty highway. Now there were incidences when these cows used to act like those confused "crossers" you see on the streets - who do not quite know whether to step back or run across when they see the oncoming vehicle and finally, they end up confusing the driver and leading to his crash while they safely cross the road, which is now clear, thanks to the crash in the middle of the street, and then these sinful "crossers" will go home and tell their family how rash the youngsters drive these days! With people, I understand their right to act confused and stupid as we are given this blessed power to think. But cows don't possess this power or so I believe. They just act as per their instincts. But just that day they were acting as if they were able to think. I think the desert sun was affecting them too. They just irritated the hell outta me that day!

The temple at Osian was beautiful. The mirrored walls and terrific architecture combined with almost no people and clean surroundings (which are a rarity otherwise) made it a peaceful experience. The sand-dunes could be seen from the temple and the reason for calling Jodhpur a blue-city was now becoming clear. But it was only when I saw the city from Meharangarh fort that it became evident to me. We waited at the temple for some twenty-thirty minutes. The hot desert sun and the dryness in the air were now doing their wonders on my skin. I started feeling it on my fingers first and then as I carefully looked at my arms, I realised every part of exposed skin was sun burnt. As they say, focus on pain and you'll feel the hurt - now that I saw the dark spots, I started feeling the burns. The lips now started hurting and suddenly I was desperate for water. The bottle got empty in no time and we needed more water. The sand-dunes were still to be seen and Cafe Osian was to be our resting place. We had to reach there as soon as possible. So we got 2 litres of water and set off towards the dunes. Just 15 minutes later we saw two dead animals on otherwise empty streets. This and it was 1.30 pm and the desert wasn't getting any colder, so we wisely dropped the idea and started back to the hostel. Though we did catch a glimpse of the sand-dunes, it was to be the last picture that was to be shot that day as Div fell asleep in no time. Had it not been for the "Pulsar-effect", her sleep went almost undisturbed throughout. 

The Pulsar-effect: Now I am used to driving a Bajaj Pulsar for 2 years now and it's gears are exactly opposite to Hero Honda's. While for Pulsar you push the lever down to increase the gears, you do the exact opposite by pressing the lever upwards to increase the gears in Hero Honda. So when, by mistake, I used to gun the engine and lower the gear, the jerk the rider got was awakening indeed! This was termed as the "Pulsar-effect". On arriving at Mumbai, when I rode the Pulsar, I experienced the "Hero Honda-effect" 

So when Ms. Divya awoke in between, I asked her a question which left us both umm.. scared.. no alert, "Do you think we are lost? Cause none of the direction signs show a way back to Jodhpur and the road just doesn't look familiar". We were desperate to ask for directions but there was just no one on the road and I just kept seeing dead animals everywhere. The sun was horrible but that was least of my problems back then. I had to know if we were going the right way as even the bike was making some weird noise and we were just standing on a straight-barren expanse with no life around. We decided to keep moving though and after some twenty minutes we finally found a broken-down truck getting repaired by a couple of people. We asked them the direction and fortunately for us we weren't too far away from the right way. I had to take a breather as I had got a bit tensed myself. After finishing a bottle of water, we were off towards the city. We filled our stomachs and then started for the hostel. 

We were a bit disappointed that we couldn't quite visit the much-hyped Cafe Osian but later on we got the news that it was some evil prank played on us by one of Divi's friends who'd wanted us to go and suffer at the Cafe - as it is apparently a strictly to-be-avoided Cafe.

I headed straight for a shower and slept a calm sleep. Then Div came to the guest house and we tried to watch a movie but got bored and started roaming around the campus. I met a couple of bloggers but I was still to meet my so-called cousin Ms. Preeti. Sometime later Kacky joined us. Then we had a nice talkative dinner and then we departed to our rooms. My plans of development of the football field for its optimum utilisation were again ignored by everyone! But that fortunately didn't affect my sleep and I waited the next day as we were to visit quite a few places the next day!

(to be continued...)

Travelogue: Part 1

(Mumbai - Jodhpur - Delhi - Rourkela - Bhubhaneshwar - Puri)

Rewind. Edit. Play.

It was September 5, 2007 and I was utterly bored at home. Raghu comes online and asks me if I can visit him at Rourkela sometime later in October. I say yes without giving it a second thought. Sometime later Divya comes online and I tell her of my plans to go to Rourkela to meet Raghu. She blackmails me into coming to Jodhpur. Without giving it another thought I agree to it. I straight away check the trains and find that there's no train that goes directly from Jodhpur to Rourkela. Delhi becomes inevitable. Red, Ankita, Simrita and Prerna at Delhi are immediately contacted so they make provisions for my stopover at Delhi.

About 3 days later, after finalising the dates with everyone, I go on to book the tickets and inform my parents that I'm off to Jodhpur on the 1st of October. Mom and dad had by then stopped reacting to my weird ideas, it was only on the 10th, when the courier guy came to deliver the tickets, did mom freak out. By then I was trying to stop reacting to mom's over-protective talks.

Day 1: Peace and sleep cometh!

I looked for seat number 24 and nicely rested there. My dear scared mom had forced my dad to drop me at the station. My dad suddenly entered that, "God I can't believe my little boy (aged 24) is going to travel alone" phase and he came with me inside the train to see that I was seated properly. A friendly family occupied the adjoining berths. My dad told them that I was traveling alone for the first time and they should look after me in case I needed anything. I gave them a long sweet smile and assured my dad that I will be fine. As the train left, the family tried to indulge into a conversation with me and the embarrassed me tried to keep my cool and just gave them direct answers so no further questions were put. A relieving "hmph" later the family started enjoying their chow while I started with Chuck Palahniuk's "Diary". The TC came and the fun began.

I tell you folks, there is a reason my mom is so worried about me and sending me out on my own. You see, I fail to see. I mean I'm just a pathetic observer. I claim to become an artist someday and I do not observe well. Yes some dreams will forever be, but that's not the point here, I wanted to get out of the house and go on my own so that I learn to take up the responsibility for at least myself. I was armed with 6000 bucks for my disposal and my bank account had just 1000 bucks above the minimum balance needed and so my limit was 7000 bucks for 13 days and I thought that was going to be quite a challenge since I intended to travel a lot in these 13 days and I was to come out as a winner! Fuck you if you don't appreciate that.

So as I was saying, the TC came in and asked for the ticket, I obeyed him and he told me I was on the wrong seat. "The ticket says 24 and I am on seat number 24", I said. "Alright Mr. Nagraj, I'll help you read your ticket. The coloumn which is named "Age" specifies your age and the coloumn which is named "Seat No." specifies your seat number. So you are 24 years old and your seat number is 42. Got it?" I thanked him for educating me and also embarrassing me for the second time in just 30 minutes and quietly walked to my correct seat. But the TC was a jovial fellow and he just patted on my back saying no problem and if I need anything he can just ask for it. I thanked him and was happy to see that there was no one seating besides me and also there was no one to be on the adjoining berths for the rest of the journey! I opened my black diary and started writing now that I had complete privacy. I wrote till emotions tired me out and I nicely went off to sleep, not even caring to place an order for dinner. I woke up sometime during midnight and had a small snack of cupcake and chivda that my mom had packed for me. Then again I got lost in a peaceful slumber after some million years. It was bliss!

Day 2: I meet Divi!

Since it was 6.30 am, Divi and Kacky, thought I am grown up enough to find my way on my own to their hostel where they had made provisions for me at the guest house.

Story of the guest house: I was booked under the name of Sukrit Nagarajan since I was to play a cousin to a certain Ms. Preeti Sunderarajan. My address was mysteriously a Delhi address which weirdly matched Kacky's address and still had my real telephone number. I am prohibited from elucidating further on this matter to "the outsiders". Reference to an "outsider" in this post and any other post related to the present topic would mean any other person who is not Divi or Kacky.

So I reached Jodhpur and after settling at Rs.80 with the auto-rickshaw driver (Divi said they looted me while I heard someone say "good deal dude") to take me to the university I was on my way. Now believe me, Jodhpur autos travel at the maximum speed of 20 kmph and it's either the incapacity of the autos to travel faster than that or it's the fear of the road that keeps them going beyond this speed. It's 'killingly' frustrating as it takes more than half an hour to reach a distance that a bicycle can cover in 15 minutes max!

I reached NLU safely (Yeah! You can't get killed at a speed of 20 kmph!) and there was Divi, all geared up to head for classes. It was hard to believe that they hadn't declared a holiday on my arrival there, or even arranged a nice strip-show, or even a decent daaru-party at the hostel! But I gulped down the insult as I was just too happy to meet my sistaah and after "I can't believe I'm here" and "Even I can't believe you are here" were exchanged between us, the auto-waala asked if we intended to go further towards the guest house or just stay there exchanging surprised-but-happy glances. We decided to head to the guest house as Div was getting late for her class and I was to have company later in the day at the guest house**.

**Unfortunately, this was the funniest part of the trip and the previously mentioned censor board has asked me to edit elucidating on this matter too, before "the outsiders"!

I was to have the guest house for myself for sometime and was to meet Div at the mess in 2 hrs time, so I made a list of things to do in that time and tried to re-build my dilapidating muscles by working out in the room itself (the gym was closed). Then a refreshing shower later I went on to meet Div and Kacky at the mess and then to relish my omelet served for breakfast. Happy that I got an egg-meal in the morning itself, Div headed for her class while I started for my room. By the time I woke up, the sun had already begun to set and Div's classes had ended so I went out to meet her. I was carrying the hopes of my dear sis introducing me to AT LEAST one hot chick during that time but I had to wait for 2 whole days before she even introduced me to another chick!

The rest of the day was spent in roaming around the campus and eating at a nearby restaurant. Many interesting places were shown to me around the campus and no one co-operated with me when I asked for company to enter these places. It was unfair! All I ever asked was to see the football field properly, but people just won't give me company! Then I had some brilliant proposals for the optimum utilisation of the football field but no one seemed to care much bout it and just dismissed it as another one of my crazy ideas! Eventually I gave up convincing people and quietly departed to my room. I was dying for the next day to begin as it was planned to be a "Divi-Suk" day!

(to be continued..)

Somewhere Back In Time

Maybe I just woke up in a wrong land, I don't know really. But it's suffocating when the words you speak do not make any sense to the ears around you. You cannot relate to the beings surrounding you and there is this feeling of being disconnected from this world, this ghastly feeling of being alienated in the world you called your own sometime back. It's a shock when the people who claim to know you inside out just refuse to recognize you now. Finally it so happens that the world you dream to build or create is not something that anyone else can bear to see (or so I believe) and then these now-aliens go on to label you a fool and your dream and thoughts are mocked and ridiculed. 

Darkness is beautiful, something that I'd always adored. In darkness you have only yourself and you cannot see any of this shit that lies around you or that you are covered with. But you can feel you and that's bliss. Darkness is a natural blind of a sort and then there's no one to blame. You may keep your eyes wide open or shut them close; it doesn't matter now as what is within you, is also now around you. Isn’t that simply majestic? 

Ignorance is bliss and I have started dwelling in this bliss now. Darkness preaches it, doesn't it? It restrains the outside from maligning you, decaying you. It basically stops the dead from decay as it doesn't allow the outside to touch you. All it leaves you with is you, your own self, your head and your imagination. Now you can expand within yourself. This is your chance to grow now. Aren't we finally alone anyway? Isn't this so-called companionship a deceit anyway - just an illusion created by this dumbfuck world which strives for a shoulder to rest on and then when the world drifts in a different course, it creates an illusion of a void. It's funny how we know this and still we keep fooling ourselves by living in a make-belief world. Perhaps we are addicted to this social vision as we go on to cover ourselves with this fake security. Perhaps we are too afraid to step out of this life and enter solitude. The fear of unknown will forever haunt us. We hate change as we are unsure that we can survive the change. The fact is we all can and it is not even an issue to sail through it but we have this habit of creating noise and confusion around us and we ourselves are the creators of this disturbance, this chaos, that now engulfs us. Laziness cannot stop an inevitable change in circumstance; we may stop ourselves and procrastinate but we cannot stop the time, the life, the change.

Changing your own self and adaptation or acceptance saves the perception of hurt and misery, this waste of emotion. But we sometimes choose to stay stranded in a time that has already passed us and as a result we stretch this stubborn, non-flexible life and develop these cracks, these holes. You cannot survive in a dead world. Then there are times when you choose to step out of this already extinct time and create a new world - it's then that you are ready to bring about a change. Slowly you become the change and ultimately you become a rebel.

Rating it an escape might be someone's perception but who is anyone to judge you and your life, your change, your rebellion? It is a choice you have made to live your life, which only you can know the best as you are the one living it and not that fuckin' asshole who is sitting there and mocking you. Entering darkness is my choice as I hate to face this sun anymore. It doesn't belong to me anymore. I find peace and calm in this tunnel I've dug for myself, my own secret place, my own invisible friends, my own universe - the one that shall remain forever untouched by this crazy bitch of a world which time and again jabs those voodoo pins in me and stabs me red. Fuck you! I don't belong to you and here I go now, walking away forever from you, walking away into my unknown, into my unseen. It was good to know you but all in all you're just another.... need I say more? 

:)

Tick-Tock Waste Away!

Wake up, switch off the fan, if the sun's not out already, switch on the light, switch on the desktop monitor and check if the last night's downloads are complete. Check your mail and switch off the monitor. Brush your teeth, enter the kitchen, make some tea, eat a bit, if you have time then do some exercise, go through the newspaper, clean yourself, head for work. Use the transportation if you must, wear on that ipod so you stay entertained while you travel or if you are lucky enough to find a vacant seat in the train, sit and read the half-read book. Reach work, exchange good mornings and begin the day. Work, take a break, chat a while, work again, eat your lunch, chat with the people on the other level, get back to your seat, back to work, finish off your day's task, switch off the computer, leave your office, head to the station, get in the train, defeat the chaos with the help of the ipod, head home, have dinner, make a phone call if you must, talk to someone if they have time, switch on the monitor, start a new download, have your dinner, enjoy the previous night's download if you must, read the half-read book, now go to sleep and end the day. 

Now all the moments of breathing.

Open your eyes, see a new world, learn their language, adopt their gods, adapt to their styles, go to school, educate yourself, get a job, get married if you must, have kids if you must, retire from work, wait for the end. Most of the times, the fullstop might come right after opening the eyes or after seeing the new world or after getting to school or sometimes, if you are fortunate enough, even before all the pre-listed events. 

Now let's analyse.

What is achieved? I read some of Victor Hugo's words on dear Raghu's blog the other day and it struck me that all we do is try to "utilise" time in the most productive way apparently. Now there are moments in the day when we are not really "utilising" this time or apparently when we have time to waste, like when we travel, when we take walks, when we are resting at home after work and then we need some means of entertainment. That is when we feel the need to do something with the time in hand.

Now let's revise every walk of life.

When we wake up and see the world for the first time, we probably have no clue what life has in store for us (and if you think about it, even after we no more belong to the living world, we had failed to understand life and what it had in store for us). But till we are shaped up to think like people around us, we are in someone else's hands to be taken care of. All the time we are surrounded by toys and books and all other means of education or mind-shaping objects which help us adapt to the world. So no matter what, all the time, right from the moment we open our eyes for the first time, till the moment we shut them forever, we are thinking of ways to pass this time we are gifted.

Let's analyse entertainment.

Can we say entertainment means something that you willingly do to keep yourself invovled when you have nothing else to do? Why do we work? To make a living? All this fight is to live. Why do we live? Nope. No answers. No one knows. I shouted out to someone the other day - stop judging and start living and now I ask myself when do I say I feel the life? Music, movies, cafes, hangouts, vodka, weed, cigs, books, work - list of the things we do that keeps us busy. Why do we feel the need of a companion? So we have someone to spend time with when no one's there. So we can stay "entertained" for the rest of our life and not die a sucker lonesome death, no matter if the person is left behind alone, no one wants to be left alone as then apparently one stops living as one does not understand what one wants to do with the time then. Travel, sing, strum, drink, eat, sleep, do sex, play, chat; everything is a means to spend time. Spend time or waste time? Is this the purpose of breathing? "Yes, go on to save others who are drowning if you have so much time in your stupid life", someone screams and I say, "And do what? Help them live? Live what?"

I am afraid to part from my gifts of life, part from my family, my friends, my guitar, my ipod, my so-called secured life just like you. We all are afraid, it's the fear of the unknown that haunts us and why does it haunt us so much? Cause we all are too much in love with our own selves. We are too busy thinking how to love ourselves more and more and waste time in loving ourselves. We waste all the time appreciating life that we actually forget life. We actually stop asking questions. We find it all a hopeless search when we try to find answers to questions like the purpose of existence as we get none. Maybe all these answers are right about us, maybe we are filled with them and they are made up of us or we are made up of them, maybe they lie within us and we just ignored them as we were too busy loving ourselves, distracting ourselves, entertaining ourselves. Maybe we all are just wasting time.

My Sacred Universe

It used to be my
Sacred Universe.
It used to be my
Place to hide.
Untouched by the cruel outside
Never can you malign
Never can you be inside
My sacred universe.
Lost too much in days,
I'm lost too much in daze,
Waking up I try to see
My sacred universe.
Lost somewhere in time
But wait a while
I'll find that place of mine
My sacred universe.

Sun And Chaos

Tired man sits here
Waiting for the day to end.
Night is taking too long to come,
Light is too harsh,
Eyes are too weak.
Oh brigt sun please go away!
I cannot resist these burns.
Oh sun the night is a bliss!
A dark escape,
Natural hide and we both know,
Rattled calm lays everywhere
In your head, in my life.
You run, I run;
Time stops we turn;
You run, I run;
Face to face now.
Oh sun bring on the night,
It is now too bright to hide.
Oh sun bring on the night,
Ashes and dust is all that's left.
Oh sun why you bring that wind
Carrying them away and spreading them across?
Oh sun why you show your might,
Why won't you let these grains unite?
Oh sun you bring on the night
It's just too bright
It's just too bright.

For Those About To Shop

In first place I dread shopping for others (esp. for gifts) as I always have this feeling am buying something that he/she is surely going to dislike and will only find it as some burden that he/she has to carry home. Again if I am to shop for a guy, the list is limited to t-shirts, cds/dvds or some electronic gadget I can afford (which I normally can't so that's still an unused option). But I am listless when I am to shop for a female. It's not only scary (read the after-effects of disliking the shit you've gifted her) but also confusing as it somehow is impossible to understand the terms like 'cute' and 'sweet'. And most of the stuff I wear or possess is defined by the fairer sex as dull, boring, bland or other such 'whatever' terms. 

Now a long time ago, in order that I understand a female mind better, I had thought of accompanying my dear friends, Bec and Rita, to a mall. I was soon to realize the only reasons they were thrilled by my presence was, now they had a person with them whom they can easily embarrass. Imagine taking you to a lingerie section, making you stand in the middle of the same and then disappearing in the changing rooms for twenty odd minutes, leaving the innocent you with their lady-purses to take care of! Talk about embarrassing times!

So from that day on, I've started staying million miles away from the ladies' section at a mall. But as they say, someday you have to face your fears, someday there's just no way out, nowhere to hide from them. It happened last Friday.

My sister turned 19 on the 1st of December and somehow I could find time only on the 15th of the month to meet her. I had initially planned to order this soft toy over amazon.com but it went out of stock by the time I was to place the order. So it was the 14th evening and I had nothing to gift her. I left from work early and headed straight to the nearby mall. I had no option, I first called RIta, but she'd left for some reception; then I called up Bec, "I need you to be here! Now!" But my dear friend wasn't to be there for me that day. Then I went through my phone list only to find I can call no one for help anymore. There I was, standing just outside the ladies' section, all by myself, with no aid and listless as ever. 

Fortunately something struck me. I went to the cash counter, "I need assistance, preferably female". The dude over there gave me a suspicious look, "No females sir but the guy in the blue shirt in that right corner will assist you. Please approach him." I nodded my head and went ahead. I was pretty sure this assistant won't be of much assistance but I had little choice. Thankfully, my dear friend Bec had told me what size I should be looking at, so I had some information at least. "Hi, will you help me in buying a top for someone who would be around 5 feet 8 and a bit plummer to me?" I asked him. "Sir, a guy or a girl?" was the worst question he chose to ask. "A top is for a girl of course" I said. Dude, you are standing in a ladies' section, why would you ask such a question in first place? However, he was of big help as the very first top he picked up was the top I finally bought, but not before he took me touring the entire ladies section making me look at all the possible tops which would fit on a 5 feet 8 female, and all I kept telling was, "Nah! I like that I think I will buy that. Thanks anyway." Persistence I tell you. Well, I bought the top and I quickly headed to men's section, breathing the air of relief, feeling like a champion who's overcome one of his greatest fears! And I hope my dear sis liked the top.

Alright sister, hope you enjoyed the exaggerated story and of course the top. Love ya! :)

GMD

Alright, Ms. Red convinced me last night to write this post somehow and well I was pretty keen on doing it myself as I've been tagged three times so far and I've never done the needful. So here I go on to shrug of the laziness and go on to type this out!

Rules:
1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?” YOU SAY?
Since I've been loving you - Led Zeppelin
Ok this didn't make much sense, or did it?

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Welcome Home - Coheed and Cambria
Nope, really Red this isn't working for me I guess.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Yesterdays - Guns n' fuckin' Roses
Really no! I wanna get rid of them my own self. Why will I be interested in someone else's yesterdays? Alright, I am to an extent or whatever!

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Blaze of glory - Jon Bon Jovi
Nope, not at all but the day's just started so lets see.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Stairway to heaven - Led Zeppelin
Haha.. probably.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Fray - Staind
Many will agree to this.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The wicker man - Iron Maiden
Ok I NEED to see this movie now so I know what they think of me!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Smiling not smiling - Porcupine Tree
Hmmm.. okaay.. next

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Angel - Aerosmith
Dark angel really. Ok whatever!

WHAT IS 2+2?
Home - Staind
NO SENSE AT ALL

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Sway - Lost Prophets
So far the MOST APPROPRIATE answer

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Blood brothers - Iron Maiden
True to quite an extent.. yes yes!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Come as you are - Nirvana
Wtf.. who likes pretense anyway? It goes for everyone I'm sure

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Another brick in the wall - Pink Floyd
Haha.. ain't I already?

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sugarcoat - Breaking Benjamin
Nah not really, I swear!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Shayad - Call
Wtf! (one for answer)
Wtf! (This one for...) This song still exists in my stupid Ipod? It's such a rip-off. I thought it wasn't there!

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Famous last words - My Chemical Romance
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. need I say more? I really should be saving my words eh!

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Gone - Switchfoot
FUCK! Hahaha! Yeah! Am sure there'll be celebrations all around! 

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Money for nothing - Dire Straits
"Bang on!"

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
The ghost of navigator - Iron Maiden
Nope, I don't see no ghosts. I swear!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Beautiful girl (stay with me) - INXS
Too late!

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Gaand mein dandaa - Bodhi Tree
Haha.. now isn't this appropriate!

Alright, although my readership has gone down miserably I go on to tag anyone who reads this, whether or not you have an Ipod, mp3 player, radio whatever. Don't tell me you don't listen to music. Just put on the shit and start typing sucker!

Joker And His Song

Laugh, laugh, laugh aloud
Oh here he comes, the joke of the town.
Wearing his dirty black,
Keep laughing at his lack.

The magic-man has cast his spell,
"Oh joker go down burn in hell!
Take away all your crazy talks
Erase all your filthy marks.
Let them live their better lives,
Fuck off and don't you show the cry!
They have no time now for you here,
They are done with you, 
Just disappear!"

Here comes the witch, oh joker dear
Hear her words, don't you fear.
"I gift you some paint, go buy a smile,
Paste it up, live your stinky life.
When we need you, we'll call you back
Use and rape you, you crazy man.
Till then just go hide away
We will fuck you another day!"

Oh joker now hear my say
Don't you waste time, don't you pray.
Crazy thoughts have killed your mind
Have blown away that crazy child.
Life though is a broken toy
Keep it with you, play a while.
One day you will know your sins
Then you won't be a joke again.

Of Bhajans, Trains And Metal

Yes! God might feel happy when His so-called devotees scream prayers in his name in the ultra-crowded train compartments, but I definitely don't. I wouldn't have really mind had they been only screaming these prayers, but the fact that these guys use those screechy instruments and sing in embarrassingly high notes, reaching the levels that even the great classical singers cannot reach, forget the rock and metal band vocalists, really deafens me. I'm pretty much used to travelling in these Mumbai locals, which am sure would have brought any of those concentration camps to shame, (it's been 9 years now and having thrown off from the train a couple of times, you pretty much know what to do and what you definitely should not!), so after you fight with the crowd to find a place to just stand, you hear these screaming devotees accompanied by their ear-banging instruments so that He hears them and answers their god-damned prayers! To each his own I know, but it's universally accepted amongst His believers that He is omnipresent. If so, He is within me and I am not happy and hence He is not happy, so well, you are just angering Him! So in order that I am happy which will make Him happy ultimately (of course I'm so Heavenly inclined, my fans know) I quote to start a metal band which will sing songs only and only while they travel by train. I need a drummer who has the skills to use the train-ceiling and metal rods for percussion, a vocalist who can scream louder and hit higher notes than these devotee-singers, a lead guitarist and a bassist of course; I'll be playing the rhythm guitars and my swearing skills can come in handy when I provide back-up vocals (I am very innovative when it comes to swearing, my fans know this too). I intend to start a new genre of music calling it the "Train Metal" and the band's name, of course "Trainaalika" (Train-aali-ka - "Has the train come" literally). The title of the first song will be, you guessed it,  "Holier than Thou". I just need to work on the lyrics a bit. Auditions start tonight, interested please apply! Thank you!

P.S.: Whether or not the band kicks-off tomorrow, auditions for groupies are always on. What is a rock band without groupies? They play an indispensable role in the band's performance - on-stage as well as backstage. So do you think you have it in you to be one? If so do not hesitate. Get in NOW!

"Unseen" chaos

The crazy boundaries I never crossed,
Trapped myself in this world of fools.
That different sun I never saw,
This vision demented by you.
"Oh you spoiler you are so bright!"
The floating life, the darkest shadow, the flying dead and the almost complete.
Oh unheard chaos I reach for thee now, a parallel world I never saw.
An escape or just a different vision
I lift myself into my unseen.
This fool was lost in too much real
Feeling waste, collecting waste.
Dreams and visions come to life.
Limitless travel, death of sun, rise of sun; 
Begin the life, side the life, end the life;
Oh I see a different moon.
Welcome!

Epiphany

It's funny the joker never realizes when he becomes the joke.

Quote For The Day

Enforced sincerity results in laziness.

Thoughts For The Day

Relationships are like deodorant, once over you stink!

***

Procrastination is like masturbation, it feels good but finally you are just fuckin' yourself.

- contributed by a dear friend

Thought For The Night

Time and again you cover yourself with night and cry there is no sun.
Time and again you choose to suffer and blame them for choking you.
Time and again you waste your is with was.

Meaningless

Its birth in you is inevitable, it being prevalent in the air you breathe; I do not know if you are born with it, but it certainly comes to life the moment the new world begins to communicate with the untouched you. And then it grows; the more you see, the more you acquire, the more you breathe, the more it grows, the farther it spreads within you and then it stays in forever, nothing and no one can shake it off you, it rises to fanatic heights sometimes or it minimises to a bare perception but the unfortunate fact is that it will never die. It lives as long as you.

It's a new world for you and you try to look around and make sense of that glaring something, that later on will be defined as a face; soon the something called voice starts talking to you and then it starts filling your life. You are given a name, they tell you you are a boy, later on when you are to go to a school they tell you you more about you - "the teacher wil ask you your religion and then you say you are a Hindu" they instruct you, they also tell you the language you speak at home is something called as your mother-tongue and then there is language of the region - state and the nation - and these may not be the same as the tongue you speak - so they fill you with the information on the same - "Marathi, Hindi" and you gobble down the same. Then you are let on your own to be with different others.

Then you come across people from other sex; then you try to prove the superiority of your sex over them while they do the same; in later life you will continue to prove your superiority; in later life they will want to continue to feel superior. Then while you are growing up, your school divides you as per your performance. You are placed in A Group if you are amongst the best performers, the rest get B, C, D respectively. A will always be proud of being one and Bs will always strive for As while the lower ones will end up hating the rest. Eventually C and D Groups are looked down upon, while A Groups and B Groups walk away with pride - of course A Groups holding higher ego levels than B Groups. Till you die you are a proud student from A Group.

You grow up to enter the higher schools and you learn more about the word taught to you at a very young age - religion. Then the world outside also starts preaching you the importance of inculcating pride in yourelf on the previously unanalyzed terms - language and region. As you grow up you realize their importance as at every walk of life these are the things that go on to define your so-called destiny. Then terms like culture and ethics attain a new importance in your life.

You get a job and he starts on his own. You earn more and only ten years later his income doubles yours. You now despise what had made you once proud.

Every phase of your life you are taught to discriminate, you are taught to differentiate, you are taught to make that A stand before you, split him into multiple parts and then analyze him, judge him; like him or hate him as per your judgement. And then you are labelled a rascist, a sexist or a zealot sometimes. The ones who instil this pride in you are the ones who then condemn you.

Imagine impossibility - you wake up to realize you have no name, there is one colour, you have no religion, you have no nationality, there is one language spoken all over the land, one sex - well, end of existence?

Come back. The name, the sex, the language, the region, the race - collect the similar and stand with them - now still segregate yourself based on the number of siblings, the wealth, the years of education, the kind of occupation and every other so-called words that have made you, that go on to define you and there in the end you'll find only you - and now you are proud of being you - now you will fight for your ownself as now you have only you.

You Know You're Jobless When..

1. You wake up at 6.30 am and say, "What am I doing up so early, even the sun is still to rise." So you go back to sleep.

2. You open your eyes at 8.30 am and see your dad waiting for you to wake up so you can deposit those cheques in the bank. So you pretend to sleep.

3. You wake up at 10.30 am and find two eyes staring at you with the expression shouting "you should be ashamed of yourself".

4. It's 12 noon and you are in the bank and depositing the cheques or withdrawing cash (definitely not for your purpose) which daddy dearest had wisely left on your desk while you'd again dozed off.

5. It's 1 pm and you are in the market selecting which vegetables to buy.

6. It's 3.30 pm and you plan to take a nap as the staring eyes are resting too. Phew!

7. It's 5 pm and you are expected to make tea.

8. It's 5.30 pm and you are deciding which movie to download.

9. It's 5.45 pm and you have decided which movie to download.

10. It's 6 pm and you feel the urge to type out something like a post in your blog.

11. It's 7 pm and you are haunted by the expectations of doing something about your career and life.

12. It's 7.15 pm and you are feeling ultra lazy to go down and switch off that water-pump button.

13. It's 7.30 pm and your friend calls up to ask you "How is it going? Are you free tonight? Oh sorry. Hahaha". Yes my friend, very funny!

14. It's 7.45 pm and your friend again calls up to ask the reasons for not meeting him for dinner when you have nothing to do and have been home all day.

15. It's 8 pm and your guilt comes to eat you alive. But laziness still rules!

16. It's 8.15 pm and you are thinking of blogging again.

17. It's 8.30 pm and you go on to update your resume on the job sites instead.

18. It's 9 pm and you just don't feel like eating dinner with guilty conscience and those staring eyes killing your appetite.

19. It's 10.30 pm and you are yawning and deciding whether to sleep early today and end the misery or to stay up and chat with friends a while and make life better.

20. It's 10.45 pm and you are still undecided of the above.

21. It's 10.48 pm and you finally decide to sleep.

22. It's 11 pm and you are finding it impossible to sleep.

23. It's 12 am and you are praying for the night to pass out soon.

24. It's 5.30 am and you shut down the alarm and go back to sleep.